Author Archives: Kathryn

Oakledge Magic

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"Thank you for the most wonderful wedding ceremony. We enjoyed every second."

Valeska and Addis flew up from Florida for a last minute Vermont Elopement.  They told me that they’d known each other for years, but that suddenly, something “happened.”  They both never expected to find themselves this happy, this in love.  They told me they felt that God had brought them together, and made their lives complete.

We had a lovely ceremony over at Oakledge Park, my favorite spot for insta-magic.  There were lots of midsummer picnickers around, but we found a quiet little spot just as the sun was setting, performed the ceremony, and then managed to get this shot without either of them falling backwards into the water.

I left them there for a little post-ceremony snorgling, and stopped off at a picnic shelter to use the restroom before heading home.  There was a family reunion taking place at the shelter, and just as I approached, a little boy, maybe 2 or 3, peeled off from the party, walked up to me, and said, “Do you have to go potty?”

“Yes,” I said.  “I do.”

“It’s here!” he said, and escorted me into the bathroom.  We stopped at the one working stall, which he indicated with a courtly flourish.

After I did my biz, he walked me over to the sink, and though he could barely reeeeaaaaach, he turned on the water so that I could wash my hands.

We walked out of the bathroom, I thanked him profusely, he gave a little bow, and returned to the festivities.

Sometimes the Oakledge Magic is just in the ceremony, but really, it’s all over the place.

This One’s For Fluffy

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Last weekend, I went down to beautiful Ohana Family Camp for the lakeside wedding of Elana and Gregg.

If it looks like I’m hiding in Gregg’s shadow so my face doesn’t get burnt off by the sun, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

I also cannot take credit for the color coordination of my dress and Gregg’s shirt.  It just happened that way.  We were sartorially cosmic.

So the tricky part of this ceremony was going to be the acknowledgment of Those Who Could Not Be With Us.  Normally, one mentions friends and family who are either Gone or unavailable, and it’s a somewhat somber moment in what are ordinarily happy and joyous proceedings.

However, in this case, as they were giving me the list of names, the last one they mentioned was “Fluffy.”

I said, “Was Fluffy a dog or a cat?”  And the response came, “Guinea Pig.”

Now, of course, I know that all pets are important, and that emotional attachments make no distinction between species.  After all, let us not forget Owen, the orphaned baby Hippo and his pal the centenarian tortoise:

However, from the standpoint of sheer comedic value, a sentence which reads, “Elana and Gregg would like to take a moment to acknowledge Ira, Charlotte, Joan, Grampa Donald, Dad Donald, and their recently departed pet guinea pig Fluffy” is just plain funny.  I’m sorry, but it is.

Still, I figured mentioning Fluffy was for the benefit of Elana’s 5-year old daughter Mia, who was probably still shaken up by the loss, and the line merited some serious professional help in achieving Sober Delivery.

Fortunately, my husband Mark runs a theater company, and has directed actors who are far more difficult to manage than I.  He made me rehearse that line until all giggles had been worked out of my system, and the delivery was both appropriately serious and not played for laughs.

I also decided to imagine that Fluffy had been a victim of the oil spill in the Gulf, and so in my mind, I was shaking my fist to the heavens, and shouting, “Damn you, BP!  This one’s for Fluffy!”

In the end, there were, admittedly, a few chuckles from the assembled, (because, I mean, come on!), but the ceremony did not grind to a halt, and we were able to get Elana and Gregg all hitched up without a hitch in the proceedings.

I found out after the ceremony that the mention of Fluffy was not for the benefit of Mia after all.  No, it was for Gregg, who was really shaken up by the loss.

This automatically and irrevocably wins Gregg the Sweetest Guy On The Planet Award.  Elana and Mia are lucky to have him.


Wedinator Wedinates!

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While I am hardly one to mock the hand that feeds me, I must admit a rather deep fondness for Wedinator – the witty website of wild wedding wackiness.

Entries run from the absurd, gross, and poorly spelled:

What happens when the hair on his back grows back?

to the techno-courante:

I hope the tweeters are aware enough of their surroundings not to fall in the pool.

to the deeply cautionary:

Note to self: Watch out for lurking chickens.

But I think my favorite of late is an invitation which will appeal to a certain beloved segment of my wedding clientele:

Destroy that sanctity gals!  And best of luck to you both.

Bonsaiiiiii!!!!

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Alexia and Jessica just moved to Vermont from San Francisco with their son Jake.

Their plan for the wedding was to do it at one of my favorite ceremony spots, Oakledge Park.  Unfortunately, June has been a rather moist month and the weather was most definitely not cooperating with us.

So, I suggested heading downtown to the Firehouse Gallery.  I knew it would be open on a Saturday afternoon, and since they often rent out the space for weddings, I didn’t think they’d mind if the four of us stood in a corner and recited a few vows.

I showed up a few minutes early to check in with their staff, and it turned out that they were about to start setting up for an evening event.  But they said that they had a display of Bonsai trees in an upstairs studio, and that the guy running the display would probably be ok with us doing it there.

There were a bunch of Bonsai lovers checking out the minute-yet-elegant trees, including my friends Ken and Sue Wade.  But the Bonsai Guy (whose name I sadly forget) was totally amenable to an impromptu ceremony.

So I brought Jess, Alex, and Jake upstairs, we took over a little corner, and while Sue snapped pix, we got these gals all hitched up.

Hopefully their marriage will be as beautiful and long-lasting as a Bonsai, just not quite so teeny!

Wonderful Clients Wed

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Mark and Monica, of listening-to-Sinatra-and-emailing-me-a-pic-from-their-window fame finally got married out at the Basin Harbor Club in Vergennes.

It had been threatening rain most of the day, and Mark had been tracking a major storm with his iPhone, but the tempest held off just long enough for them to exchange vows and dance to the Etta James classic At Last.

You can see that for one couple, they had quite the compliment of paparazzi documenting the event.

Monica was also kind enough to email Beth, the wedding coordinator at Basin Harbor with a glowing recommendation of me:

We definitely recommend her wholeheartedly, especially for a non-traditional, secular-but-don’t-want-a-boring-judge, “spiritual-but-not-religious” ceremony.  She was great!

Clearly a woman who knows how to reflect one’s marketing/branding when she sees it!  Thanks Monica!

More Bug Life

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Jerry and Ken_2

Jerry and Ken had their wedding up at the beautiful Black Bear Inn in Bolton this afternoon.

Around 4pm, about 10 of their family and friends gathered in the woods next to an altar and waited for the guys to cross the little wooden bridge to the clearing.

Just as they came to stand in front of me, and I took a deep breath to begin the ceremony, one of the guys in the wedding party stepped up and, seemingly, put his hand on my chest in a rather…intimate way.

Turns out he was just clearing away a big bug, but I told the assembled that I’d never been hit on at the altar before.

It was probably a good thing he intervened.  You can see that this was a rather form fitting dress and if a big bug had crawled down there…well…all I can say is that Ken and Jerry didn’t pay for a naked, thrashing Officiant.  Hardly spiritual or religious.  Unless maybe I was a Pentecostal.

Take 2

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photos by Jennifer Kiewit

Jack and Mick got married at Oakledge Park the other day.  It’s such a wonderful spot to do ceremonies, as it’s less than 10 minutes from downtown Burlington, and just effortlessly beautiful.

Jack set up a video camera to record the ceremony, and then, with the heart of an auteur, switched the camera angle and asked me to repeat the vow section so that he’d have more footage to work with when he edited the film together.

They each pulled off their rings , and we started over.  But then just as Mick was finishing his vows – no less beautiful, meaningful, and tear-inducing than the first time – a big bug flew down my shirt.  A really big bug.  There was no faking ceremony then.  I absolutely had to shake myself out.

This resulted in what British actors call “corpsing.”   Uncontrollable giggles which bring a scene to a complete and crashing halt.

I bet not many wedding videos have out-takes.  But Jack now has plenty of material!

Losing it for the camera.

Desiderata

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"Thank you so much for helping to make our wedding a forever memory."

The rain let up the other day just long enough for Greta and Heather to have their wedding ceremony.  It was just the three of us down by Lake Champlain.  Because of the weather, there was nobody about, and the lake was grey and choppy and kept threatening to splash up and soak their matrimonial garb.

They’ve been together for years.  They met because Greta is a horse trainer, and Heather used to ride with her.  Then they became friends, and much later, lovers.

Our original get-to-know-you chat was a Skype video call, and I was struck throughout by how loving and physically affectionate they were with each other.  During the ceremony, they spent the entire time gazing into each others’ eyes.  Frequently, couples mostly look at me while I’m reading, but these two only had eyes for each other.

All love changes and evolves over time, but let these two be an example that passion need not fade.

For part of the ceremony, they had me read Desiderata by Max Erhmann.  I remember my high school English teacher giving everyone in my class a copy of it when we graduated, but I don’t think I’d read it since then.

It’s a lovely paragraph of what would be technically be known as Very Good Advice, and I was particularly moved by this bit from the end:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Keep peace in your soul because no matter what, it’s still a beautiful world.  We don’t need much more spiritual practice than that.

Wonderful Clients

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I had a call scheduled last night with Mark and Monica, who are coming up from New York this weekend to get married in the tiny town of Vergennes.

They were hilarious and wonderful to talk to, and said they picked Vermont because they wanted to get married somewhere which allows gay marriage.  For them, it’s an issue of human rights and social justice.

But the best part was a couple of minutes before the call, they emailed me this photo, which is the view from their apartment, with the message:

Live view from our window…  If you happen to be listening to Frank Sinatra with a glass of wine in your hand – even if only in your mind – you’re right here with us!

It just so happened that I was listening to Shirley Bassey (Goldfinger theme song), which they told me was absolutely good enough.

Then, after the call they emailed to express their relief that I have a nice voice, and not one “like nails on a chalkboard, or some scary Buddy Hackett/female hybrid.”

Let me take this moment to reassure any prospective clients that while I don’t usually speak in a scary Buddy Hackett voice, I can absolutely work one up if that would make your wedding ceremony more personally meaningful.

After all, I live to serve.

Totally Committed – Part I

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Ok, first off I just have to say that this is not an objective blog post.  Not that blog posts are meant to be objective, but I just have to put it out there: Caveat Emptor, people.  Or in the immortal words of our current President, “Let me be clear…”

I love Elizabeth Gilbert.  She’s beautiful, without being unreachably, enviably gorgeous.  She’s brilliant, but uses her powers for self-deprecating humor and communicating meaningful ideas, not for evil, manipulative politics or being a pillaging Robber Baroness.  She’s a devoted yogini, but she’s not all woo-woo about it.  She’s tall, blond, rich, and famous, but in no way can you hold any of those things against her, because none of those qualities are any part of what she’s about.

And, she’s got that vibe in her writing – much like the woman I like to call St. Anne of LaMott – which makes me think that if we ever met, we would be instantaneous best friends.  You know, shortly after being introduced, Liz would turn to me and say:

Gosh Kathy, I know we’ve just met, and that you’re not nearly as tall, blond, rich, or famous as I am, but I see that is merely a quirk of fate, and that you, too, have a planet-sized brain, a wicked, 12-year-old-boy sense of humor, and a deep compulsion to rescue humanity from itself.  I cannot help but love you instantaneously in a sisterhood/girl crush sort of way.   We must go drink tea and eat chocolate right this minute.  Tell me everything about you.

Aaaanyway, this is all mere prelude to the fact that I’m currently reading Committed, Miz Gilbert’s latest opus.  It’s the story of how, in spite of her soul-scraping aversion to the idea, the Department of Homeland Security made her get married to Felipe, her co-star in the “Love” section of Eat Pray Love.

In the interests of Pithy Bloggery, I’ll stop here.  I believe with missionary-esque zeal in short entries, so I’m anticipating a several-part series on my response to Committed.   This post is mere prologue.  But let me just say, so far, so good (the book, not my blog).