Category Archives: Marital Miscellany

Vampires Are People Too!

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Ok, coming out of the closet here. I love me a good campy vampire drama. But I also love social justice and marriage equality.

So imagine my complete delight when in the final episode of True Blood, Season 2, Vampire Bill proposes to Telepathic Sookie by first handing her two plane tickets to Burlington, Vermont!

I don’t think they ever actually said it in the show, but my guess is that this is TB creator Alan Ball’s nod to Vermont’s extremely groovy marriage laws. I mean, where else in that truly bloody universe could a Vampire and a Human get hitched?

After all, in Vermont, you don’t even need a blood test!

I’m killing myself here!

If the Vampires don’t kill me first…

So, as my Aussie pals would say, Goodonya, True Blood!

To Life!

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Note to all you about-to-be-marrieds: You DO NOT have to do this at your reception in order to have a good time.  No need to keep up with the Anatevkans here.  But kudos to the whole team who pulled it off.

FYI – if you ARE going to try and replicate this, there’s a hairball hacking “ch” sound in the middle of “L’Chaim.”  Otherwise you sound like a total goy.

Totally Committed – Part I

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Ok, first off I just have to say that this is not an objective blog post.  Not that blog posts are meant to be objective, but I just have to put it out there: Caveat Emptor, people.  Or in the immortal words of our current President, “Let me be clear…”

I love Elizabeth Gilbert.  She’s beautiful, without being unreachably, enviably gorgeous.  She’s brilliant, but uses her powers for self-deprecating humor and communicating meaningful ideas, not for evil, manipulative politics or being a pillaging Robber Baroness.  She’s a devoted yogini, but she’s not all woo-woo about it.  She’s tall, blond, rich, and famous, but in no way can you hold any of those things against her, because none of those qualities are any part of what she’s about.

And, she’s got that vibe in her writing – much like the woman I like to call St. Anne of LaMott – which makes me think that if we ever met, we would be instantaneous best friends.  You know, shortly after being introduced, Liz would turn to me and say:

Gosh Kathy, I know we’ve just met, and that you’re not nearly as tall, blond, rich, or famous as I am, but I see that is merely a quirk of fate, and that you, too, have a planet-sized brain, a wicked, 12-year-old-boy sense of humor, and a deep compulsion to rescue humanity from itself.  I cannot help but love you instantaneously in a sisterhood/girl crush sort of way.   We must go drink tea and eat chocolate right this minute.  Tell me everything about you.

Aaaanyway, this is all mere prelude to the fact that I’m currently reading Committed, Miz Gilbert’s latest opus.  It’s the story of how, in spite of her soul-scraping aversion to the idea, the Department of Homeland Security made her get married to Felipe, her co-star in the “Love” section of Eat Pray Love.

In the interests of Pithy Bloggery, I’ll stop here.  I believe with missionary-esque zeal in short entries, so I’m anticipating a several-part series on my response to Committed.   This post is mere prologue.  But let me just say, so far, so good (the book, not my blog).

Five Great Reasons to Get Married in Vermont

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Truth be told, Vermont already has a fantastic reputation as a wedding destination.  The gorgeous, pastoral setting, the friendly, community-oriented people, and the well-developed year-round tourist industry make it a thoroughly delightful place to pledge your troth.

But just in case you’re unfamiliar with the Green Mountain State or are feeling a little on the fence about where to go, here are a few informational tidbits which might just help you head our way:

1) The Food

Vermont is a place deeply committed to a strong local food economy.  We’ve got the Vermont Fresh Network, which partners farmers and restaurants so that the food served travels a short distance from farm to table.  We’ve got numerous co-ops and farmers’ markets full of fresh produce, home-made cheese, and organic, free-range meat. We’ve got caterers who use locally-sourced food.  And we’ve got numerous pick-your-own opportunities on farms offering everything from berries and flowers in the summer to apples and pumpkins in the fall.  No matter which way you turn, you’re guaranteed a yummy marital experience.

2) The Music

Vermont may be a tiny, rural state, but you can’t swing a cat without hitting an amazing bunch of musicians.  We’ve got world-class bands playing folk, bluegrass, swing, funk, jazz, reggae, and, of course, a wedding march or two.  No matter what corner of the state you’re in, if you’re looking for a band to rock your reception, a post-rehearsal night of contra dancing, or a fun music festival wile away a sunny summer afternoon, you’ll find yourself well and greatly entertained.

3) The Towns

Even in These, Our Modern Times, Vermont is a state deeply committed to maintaining its local communities and small town character and traditions.  Walk down the main street of Bristol or Montpelier or Brattleboro, and you’ll see an abundance of locally-owned stores, as well as people who look each other in the eye and say hello as they walk down the street.  What better way to begin a life together than in an open-hearted, authentic community.

4) The Inns

If you’re searching for an alternative to having your wedding in a sterile, cookie-cutter hotel, you’ll do no better than one of Vermont’s many inns.  Usually located on the site of a former farm,  you’ll find charming antique-filled bedrooms, barns converted into gorgeous halls, beautiful gardens, and owners who are there to greet you and help you create the most magical wedding possible.

5) The Marriage Laws

Getting married in Vermont is beyond easy.  You can get a license from any town clerk, and there are no special requirements; no waiting period, no witness, no blood test necessary.  All the ceremony needs is you, your intended, and an Officiant.  While the ceremony can be as elaborate as you wish, it also doesn’t need to be any longer than:

Officiant: Do you two to want to marry each other?

You Two: Yes!

Officiant: You’re married!

Plus, gay marriage is legal in Vermont.  And whether or not you’re gay, if you believe in social justice and marriage equity, Vermont is the place to be.

Top 5 Things Not To Do At Your Wedding

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Having officiated at dozens of weddings over the years, I’ve started keeping a list of minor and major pitfalls that marrying couples can accidentally fall into.

None of these have been the cause of Total Wedding Ruination, but they’ve made a happy, memorable moment somewhat less happy and a little more fuzzy than anyone expected.

  1. No candle-lighting during an outdoor ceremony. There’s always an unexpected breeze.  Really.
  2. Don’t party so hard the night before that you show up pasty and hung over. Looks bad in your photos, and you won’t remember a thing from the ceremony.
  3. Make sure your wedding garments allow you to do everything you want to do when you’re wearing them. Brides, if you can’t lift your arms over your head in your gown or grooms, if your cummerbund is so tight you can’t exhale, you’re not going to have a good time.
  4. No gum. I mean, really.  Come on.
  5. If it’s cold and your wedding is outside, don’t force your bridesmaids to go without their shawls or pashminas. For one thing, it’s mean.  But more importantly, you might think the pictures will look better sans shmattes, but they won’t.  Why?  I got one word for you.  Nipples.