Category Archives: Wedding Advice

The Structure of A Ceremony

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While your wedding ceremony can consist of absolutely anything, it often helps couples clarify their thinking to know what the traditional structure of a ceremony looks like.  That way, they’ve got a sense of flow, and what elements they might want to look for in personalizing their wedding.

I come from a theater background, so bear with me, as I tend to think of the ceremony in those terms.

Also, because I perform ceremonies for people of all gender combinations and sexual orientations, I’m going to refer to the two people getting married (some combination of brides and grooms) as The Couple.

THE PRESHOW

This is when your guests are arriving and everyone in the wedding party is finishing getting dressed, doing last minute hair and makeup checks, and peeing one more time.

Helpful Tip: Have someone – let’s call them the STAGE MANAGER – designated to keep track of the time and where everyone in the wedding party is, so that they can let the Officiant know that the wedding party is ready (all bridesmaids out of the bathroom) and the ceremony can begin.

The Stage Manager can be your wedding planner if you have one, or a trusted friend or relative.  However, this person should NOT be in the wedding party.

The Stage Manager should also have a phone handy so that any guests who are lost can call for directions.

THE PROCESSIONAL

This is where the bridal party enters.  Guests comment on how great everyone looks, pictures are taken, anticipation mounts for the Big Wedding Outfits Reveal.  The Processional ends when The Couple is standing at the altar.

Helpful Tip: No babies or pets in the bridal party.  It seems like a cute idea, but they’re just too unpredictable.  In fact, there’s an old saying in the theater: Never share the stage with children or animals. They’ll always steal the show.

THE PROLOGUE

This is where the Officiant begins the ceremony – usually by welcoming everyone to this lovely event, honoring loved ones who might not be present, and saying something wise and pithy about love and marriage.

Helpful Tip: If you have poetry, music, or short readings you’d like included, this is a good spot for it.  You can also light candles, plant bulbs, or ritually wash each others’ hands.

THE PLAY

This is the moment when the The Couple exchanges rings and says their vows.  Sometimes they also wrap their hands in cloth or ribbon.  This is known as Handfasting.

Helpful Tip: It’s ok to read your vows from a piece of paper, or have the Officiant feed them to you line by line.  Also, don’t try to shove the ring all the way onto the finger of your Beloved.  Hands swell when people get nervous.  Only place the ring as far as the big knuckle, and let the person whose hand it is take it the rest of the way.

THE PRONOUNCEMENT

This is the moment when all vows have been made, and any final poems, songs, or blessings shared.  The Couple might have a last sip of ceremonial wine, stomp on a glass, or jump over a broom.  Then there’s a big kiss, a cheer, and everyone heads out to the party.

Helpful Tip: Know how you want to be pronounced and introduced.  For example: “By the power vested in me by the Highly Progressive State of Vermont, I now pronounce you husband and wife/legally married/hitched to the high heavens, etc…”  Or: “May I now present to you, Mrs. and Mr. Smith!”  Or: “Ladies and Gentlemen, please congratulate The Couple Jones!”

Of course, this is all just a general sketch of a ceremony.  Filling it in is up to you, and I am happy to help you with that process.  And remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect.  Regardless of what happens, you will finish the day married to your Beloved.  And that’s what matters most.

Tips To Green Up Your Wedding

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1.    Hold the wedding outside and/or during the day for natural lighting.
2.    Use locally grown flowers or potted plants for decorations and bouquets.
3.    Have the ceremony and the reception in the same place so people don’t have to do a lot of extra driving.
4.    Use beeswax candles (conventional candles are made with petroleum products).
5.    Use recycled or antique rings since gold and diamond mining are very environmentally and socially destructive.
6.    Wear vintage/rented/hemp clothes.
7.    Use a local clothing designer.
8.    Have the bridesmaids pick their own dresses in the color palate of your choice.  Women of different body types will look better than if they’re wearing the same dress, and they’re more likely to wear the dress again.
9.    Serve seasonal, organic, and locally grown food and wine at the reception.
10.    Compost all left-over food or donate to a food bank.
11.    Use hand-made paper invitations, seating cards, and place mats.  You can even add wild flower or herb seeds to the paper pulp mixture.  Then guests can plant them and they’ll sprout into flowers or herbs.
12.    Use the internet. Paper is nice for invitations and personal thank you cards after the wedding, but Save The Date, RSVP, and shower invitations can all be done electronically, saving paper.
13.    Use fun salvaged items for thank-you cards such as old postcards, gift cards, and scraps of wrapping paper from the shower and wedding
14.    Do a non-traditional wedding registry of money, time, skills, or information.  For example:
a.    Donations to your favorite eco-charity
b.    A copy of a favorite family recipe.
c.    Cooking
d.    Childcare
e.    Music lessons
f.    Gardening
g.    Massage
h.    Add funds towards a honeymoon or new home purchase

Tips For Including Nature In Your Ceremony

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1.    Hold your ceremony outside, and acknowledge the beauty of the setting.
2.    Use poems or readings from celebrated nature writers such Mary Oliver, Gary Snyder, or Wendell Berry
3.    As the guests enter, have attendants ritually wash their hands in bowls filled with water and flower petals as they welcome your guests to the ceremony.  Make sure there are attendants to dry peoples’ hands as well!  It sets a lovely, ceremonial tone, and allows you to have more friends actively participate in the ceremony.
4.    Invoke the four elements of earth, air, fire, and water by either mentioning them directly, such as by saying: We honor the four element or include the four elements on your altar by using flowers, candles, water, and incense.
5.    In the ceremony, mention the cycles of nature as a way of acknowledging the many cycles your relationship will go through during your years together.
6.    As you make your vows to each other, and to your relationship, also vow to honor and care for nature, and to use the growth and learning which comes from your marriage to help you be better stewards or healers of the planet.
7.    Offer flowers or plants (locally grown) to your family and friends as a way of honoring their support for your relationship.
8.    Depending on where you hold your ceremony, you might be able to plant a tree to honor your marriage or to honor friends or family who can’t be there with you.
9.    Include in your vows a specific promise to reduce your carbon footprint (sure, it’s not romantic, but it’s really, really important).
10.     Remember and acknowledge how large the universe truly is, and how fortunate you are to have found each other   in the vast infinity of space and time.