Category Archives: Weddings

Five Great Reasons to Get Married in Vermont

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Truth be told, Vermont already has a fantastic reputation as a wedding destination.  The gorgeous, pastoral setting, the friendly, community-oriented people, and the well-developed year-round tourist industry make it a thoroughly delightful place to pledge your troth.

But just in case you’re unfamiliar with the Green Mountain State or are feeling a little on the fence about where to go, here are a few informational tidbits which might just help you head our way:

1) The Food

Vermont is a place deeply committed to a strong local food economy.  We’ve got the Vermont Fresh Network, which partners farmers and restaurants so that the food served travels a short distance from farm to table.  We’ve got numerous co-ops and farmers’ markets full of fresh produce, home-made cheese, and organic, free-range meat. We’ve got caterers who use locally-sourced food.  And we’ve got numerous pick-your-own opportunities on farms offering everything from berries and flowers in the summer to apples and pumpkins in the fall.  No matter which way you turn, you’re guaranteed a yummy marital experience.

2) The Music

Vermont may be a tiny, rural state, but you can’t swing a cat without hitting an amazing bunch of musicians.  We’ve got world-class bands playing folk, bluegrass, swing, funk, jazz, reggae, and, of course, a wedding march or two.  No matter what corner of the state you’re in, if you’re looking for a band to rock your reception, a post-rehearsal night of contra dancing, or a fun music festival wile away a sunny summer afternoon, you’ll find yourself well and greatly entertained.

3) The Towns

Even in These, Our Modern Times, Vermont is a state deeply committed to maintaining its local communities and small town character and traditions.  Walk down the main street of Bristol or Montpelier or Brattleboro, and you’ll see an abundance of locally-owned stores, as well as people who look each other in the eye and say hello as they walk down the street.  What better way to begin a life together than in an open-hearted, authentic community.

4) The Inns

If you’re searching for an alternative to having your wedding in a sterile, cookie-cutter hotel, you’ll do no better than one of Vermont’s many inns.  Usually located on the site of a former farm,  you’ll find charming antique-filled bedrooms, barns converted into gorgeous halls, beautiful gardens, and owners who are there to greet you and help you create the most magical wedding possible.

5) The Marriage Laws

Getting married in Vermont is beyond easy.  You can get a license from any town clerk, and there are no special requirements; no waiting period, no witness, no blood test necessary.  All the ceremony needs is you, your intended, and an Officiant.  While the ceremony can be as elaborate as you wish, it also doesn’t need to be any longer than:

Officiant: Do you two to want to marry each other?

You Two: Yes!

Officiant: You’re married!

Plus, gay marriage is legal in Vermont.  And whether or not you’re gay, if you believe in social justice and marriage equity, Vermont is the place to be.

Top 5 Things Not To Do At Your Wedding

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Having officiated at dozens of weddings over the years, I’ve started keeping a list of minor and major pitfalls that marrying couples can accidentally fall into.

None of these have been the cause of Total Wedding Ruination, but they’ve made a happy, memorable moment somewhat less happy and a little more fuzzy than anyone expected.

  1. No candle-lighting during an outdoor ceremony. There’s always an unexpected breeze.  Really.
  2. Don’t party so hard the night before that you show up pasty and hung over. Looks bad in your photos, and you won’t remember a thing from the ceremony.
  3. Make sure your wedding garments allow you to do everything you want to do when you’re wearing them. Brides, if you can’t lift your arms over your head in your gown or grooms, if your cummerbund is so tight you can’t exhale, you’re not going to have a good time.
  4. No gum. I mean, really.  Come on.
  5. If it’s cold and your wedding is outside, don’t force your bridesmaids to go without their shawls or pashminas. For one thing, it’s mean.  But more importantly, you might think the pictures will look better sans shmattes, but they won’t.  Why?  I got one word for you.  Nipples.

The Horse Ate My…

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Last Friday I officiated at the sweet little wedding of Desiree and Stephen in Stowe.  It was a small gathering, with both their families and their kids.

Thanks to Rochelle (and her beautiful white Percherons) at Gentle Giants Rides, we took a horse-drawn wagon through a park to a gazebo where we kicked out some picnickers, and quickly performed the ceremony.

Actually, we didn’t kick them out.  They were gone by the time we got there.  But we would have kicked them out.

While we were doing the matrimonial deed, the horses got their reins tangled, and Rochelle needed some assistance holding the horses while she unhitched, detangled, and re-hitched.

So the non-heels-wearing members of the party (i.e. the men) went over to lend a hand, and while Stephen was calming one of the horses, the other one ate his boutonniere.  That’s gratitude for ya.

Stephen and Julian – boutonniere still intact.

Top 10 Reasons Not To Have A Robot Officiate At Your Wedding

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From Popsci.com

With the strains of “Ave Maria” playing in the background, a Japanese couple said their vows Sunday afternoon under the direction of a robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. It was the first wedding performed by a robot, according to the manufacturer, Kokoro…The officiant-bot waved its arms, flashed its eyes different colors and moved its head up and down as a man behind a curtain entered commands into a computer.

Leave it to those wacky, techno-friendly Japanese to hold the first wedding officiated by a robot. While getting married by a programmable Officiant certainly has a kind of Guinness Book novelty to it, there are a number of problematic issues you might want to consider before boarding the next plane for Tokyo.

Top 10 Reasons Not To Have A Robot Officiate At Your Wedding

1. Battery life issues not yet dealt with, and orange extension cords tacky and unsightly
2. Secretly consecrating your marriage to the Robot God even though you wanted a spiritual (but not religious) ceremony
3. Good at remembering ceremony text, but terrible with pre-marital counseling
4. Can’t make a lighthearted ceremony without a heart
5. There’s a man behind the curtain
6. Can’t dance
7. Creepy robot voice kind of creepy
8. Runs on Windows
9. Robot hands tend to drop rings
10. Did you see Terminator?

But in the spirit of fairness…

Top One Reason To Have Robot Officiate At Your Wedding

1) Can double as disco ball

The Structure of A Ceremony

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While your wedding ceremony can consist of absolutely anything, it often helps couples clarify their thinking to know what the traditional structure of a ceremony looks like.  That way, they’ve got a sense of flow, and what elements they might want to look for in personalizing their wedding.

I come from a theater background, so bear with me, as I tend to think of the ceremony in those terms.

Also, because I perform ceremonies for people of all gender combinations and sexual orientations, I’m going to refer to the two people getting married (some combination of brides and grooms) as The Couple.

THE PRESHOW

This is when your guests are arriving and everyone in the wedding party is finishing getting dressed, doing last minute hair and makeup checks, and peeing one more time.

Helpful Tip: Have someone – let’s call them the STAGE MANAGER – designated to keep track of the time and where everyone in the wedding party is, so that they can let the Officiant know that the wedding party is ready (all bridesmaids out of the bathroom) and the ceremony can begin.

The Stage Manager can be your wedding planner if you have one, or a trusted friend or relative.  However, this person should NOT be in the wedding party.

The Stage Manager should also have a phone handy so that any guests who are lost can call for directions.

THE PROCESSIONAL

This is where the bridal party enters.  Guests comment on how great everyone looks, pictures are taken, anticipation mounts for the Big Wedding Outfits Reveal.  The Processional ends when The Couple is standing at the altar.

Helpful Tip: No babies or pets in the bridal party.  It seems like a cute idea, but they’re just too unpredictable.  In fact, there’s an old saying in the theater: Never share the stage with children or animals. They’ll always steal the show.

THE PROLOGUE

This is where the Officiant begins the ceremony – usually by welcoming everyone to this lovely event, honoring loved ones who might not be present, and saying something wise and pithy about love and marriage.

Helpful Tip: If you have poetry, music, or short readings you’d like included, this is a good spot for it.  You can also light candles, plant bulbs, or ritually wash each others’ hands.

THE PLAY

This is the moment when the The Couple exchanges rings and says their vows.  Sometimes they also wrap their hands in cloth or ribbon.  This is known as Handfasting.

Helpful Tip: It’s ok to read your vows from a piece of paper, or have the Officiant feed them to you line by line.  Also, don’t try to shove the ring all the way onto the finger of your Beloved.  Hands swell when people get nervous.  Only place the ring as far as the big knuckle, and let the person whose hand it is take it the rest of the way.

THE PRONOUNCEMENT

This is the moment when all vows have been made, and any final poems, songs, or blessings shared.  The Couple might have a last sip of ceremonial wine, stomp on a glass, or jump over a broom.  Then there’s a big kiss, a cheer, and everyone heads out to the party.

Helpful Tip: Know how you want to be pronounced and introduced.  For example: “By the power vested in me by the Highly Progressive State of Vermont, I now pronounce you husband and wife/legally married/hitched to the high heavens, etc…”  Or: “May I now present to you, Mrs. and Mr. Smith!”  Or: “Ladies and Gentlemen, please congratulate The Couple Jones!”

Of course, this is all just a general sketch of a ceremony.  Filling it in is up to you, and I am happy to help you with that process.  And remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect.  Regardless of what happens, you will finish the day married to your Beloved.  And that’s what matters most.

Tips For Including Nature In Your Ceremony

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1.    Hold your ceremony outside, and acknowledge the beauty of the setting.
2.    Use poems or readings from celebrated nature writers such Mary Oliver, Gary Snyder, or Wendell Berry
3.    As the guests enter, have attendants ritually wash their hands in bowls filled with water and flower petals as they welcome your guests to the ceremony.  Make sure there are attendants to dry peoples’ hands as well!  It sets a lovely, ceremonial tone, and allows you to have more friends actively participate in the ceremony.
4.    Invoke the four elements of earth, air, fire, and water by either mentioning them directly, such as by saying: We honor the four element or include the four elements on your altar by using flowers, candles, water, and incense.
5.    In the ceremony, mention the cycles of nature as a way of acknowledging the many cycles your relationship will go through during your years together.
6.    As you make your vows to each other, and to your relationship, also vow to honor and care for nature, and to use the growth and learning which comes from your marriage to help you be better stewards or healers of the planet.
7.    Offer flowers or plants (locally grown) to your family and friends as a way of honoring their support for your relationship.
8.    Depending on where you hold your ceremony, you might be able to plant a tree to honor your marriage or to honor friends or family who can’t be there with you.
9.    Include in your vows a specific promise to reduce your carbon footprint (sure, it’s not romantic, but it’s really, really important).
10.     Remember and acknowledge how large the universe truly is, and how fortunate you are to have found each other   in the vast infinity of space and time.